The fickle Canberra weather, once again made arses of us all. No one guessed what the evening was going to bring us. There were hashers dressed in shorts and singlets, trackie daks and tee shirts, the BOOP in her puffy coat and some poor sod at the back of the circle dressed like a Central African Field Marshall. We had balmy warmth at the start, a number Nine gale during the circle and finished off with still air and dropping thermometer 
 
And so it was that the hash gathered on the barren windswept slopes of Beagle park on Beagle street. With the word "Gerwurtztramminer" still ringing in our ears from last week, the GM put his sympathy sling on and invited the two GREASE NIPPLES to give a Chalk Talk. Five confusing minutes later the pack is standing in stunned silence and the GREASE NIPPLES have taken off down the road shouting "Ask FRANK SPENCER" !!!!
 
The walkers were given maps with "RUNNERS" clearly written on them, The runners went up the hill and immediately got lost, (See previous sentence). And we were all reminded of Newtons Seventeenth law: For every minute of chalk talk the pack will Faff around blindly for Five minutes.  
 
The Walkers were navigated through the effluent streets of Red Hill by the very capable and charming MCTAF. Every second car was a Beemer, so there must be a smeg load of salesmen living there.
The runners only just managed to get in front of the walkers before the drink stop. And the chips (2 small bags) ran out early.
 
Back at the circle, BB, AB and HORSE were charged even before procedings started for talking. CUNNING LINGUIST described the run as very confusing, but the best GREASE NIPPLE run ever, everyone agreed and then he gave the run a very respectfull 9/10. It's all about the restept !!!!!   
The effervescent GNASH, resplendent in his tattered shirt and collostomy shorts, regailed the pack with tails of wonder and excitement from the walk, and how it was made so much easier by just keeping the back of McTafs head in range. 
 
There were accusations during the circle that GREASE NIPPLE had set two trails, or that two GREASE NIPPLES had set a trail each. However the truth of the matter was that there was actually another (third) GREASE NIPPLE setting a trail in a parallel universe which had accidently "crossed over" into our space / time continuum. It's the only logical explanation.
 
We welcomed a few Returnees and Virgins, including FRANK SPENCER, SUNBEAM, HORNY RHINO, WET AND WILD, CL, SUNSHINE, FLUMOO and STICKY DATE. 
 
Notable charges: STICKY DATE for using technoligy, badly up and down Red Hill. The dead kangaroo on the side of the road, naturally, was blamed on SQUATTER; The HIDDEN FLAGON "bike on the car roof" saga was resurrected, and we learned that HF has a car boot closing mechansim that is able to cut a human being in half. There was great debate as to whether the hash pyros should be charged for not bringing the Fire bucket. Newcomers were mentioned in despatches, BIGBOY asked whether he would qualify as a newcomer when his prostate grows back ????
 
We sang the TUN song with great zest and gusto. And whilst that was happening CRYING DICK sent DATE DIVER away to the car to grab their beanies. Famous last words "I'll cover for you dear"..... SPRUNG. WXMAN was charged with Planting, FLUMOO was charged with Planking and RAMBO with plagerism. Which reminds me of an irresponsible and divisive statement that was made under hash circle parliamentary priviledge that apparently the Hash Scribes over the past two years have been plagerising everybody and everything. Well, in the words of the Mayor of Hiroshima...WTF. I can assure everyone in the hash that nothing I write down is the product of any deranged mind but my own and nothing that FRIZZY LIZZY wrote down last year is the product of anyone but her. (HJ Simpson 2007)
 
The GM and RA had another red hot go at running a circle .....FAIL again. but we are getting used to their unique blend of ineptness mixed with a modicum of incompetance. Dont worry fellow hashers, they are bound to come good sooner or later, still 42 weeks to go. 
 
FRIZZY LIZZY uttered the words "La Perouse" during one of her diatribes. SOFT CENTRE immediately charged her with assassinating the German language. Yup, that one was never going to stick. HORSE was startled awake by the laughter of the last charge and blurted out that it was mothers day on sunday. She was roundly Poo Pooed with exclamations of "who cares" and "no,it's not" The circle was ended with two classically bad jokes, followed by two more classically bad jokes and finally followed by another two classically bad jokes.
 
Note: This record of the evenings proceedings is as accurate as is humanly possible.....And has only been altered, a lot, to protect the author from class actions in the future. Notes by MADAM LASH